


How do you put goodbye into words?

by Cherish_Dipp



Series: Danse's interview [4]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Brotherhood not put in the best light, Moving On, New Beginnings, Platonic Relationships, Post-Blind Betrayal, Rhys is going to be so angry when he finds the letter, Spoilers, Stupid little piece, new start
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:49:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22404409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherish_Dipp/pseuds/Cherish_Dipp
Summary: Haylen has finally come to a decision after months of thinking about it over and over again. She leaves Rhys a message though.
Series: Danse's interview [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/809301
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	How do you put goodbye into words?

**Author's Note:**

> Welp. Here we are again. I know the procedure of leaving the Brotherhood probably involves a lot more shit, but after what happened I do think Haylen's situation would be a liiiiiitttllle different. And I also wrote this at 1AM sooo...
> 
> But I was more focused on the characters more than anything anyway. Please enjoy.

Haylen sat at the desk, the only one on the level awake. Everyone else snored around her as she stared at the paper in front of her. A small lamp was lit beside her glaringly so she could see what she was doing, but she had yet to do anything.

It was just one single sheet of paper. She figured that was all she needed.

Her heart thumped in her chest and she picked up what felt like the world’s heaviest pen in that moment. Her throat was dry and she swallowed back the creeping tendrils of grief. She had months to come to terms with this.

It was time, she told herself.

 _Dear Rhys_ , she began.

And stopped. She didn’t mean to, and had planned to do this in one go, but her mind stuttered and went blank. How did one even start this? Where could she begin and where would it end? She couldn’t start it where it kicked off, because that would be lying to herself. She’s harboured these thoughts for a long time now. Danse was simply the catalyst. The truth bomb that exploded in front of her face to force her eyes wide open and really observe what was going on.

_I want you to know that no matter what, you are my friend and I will always care for you._

Haylen could laugh at the little girl she saw herself as when she first joined, even though it was only a few years ago. Just immediately crushing on the first knight she spent so much time with. She snorted to herself, and knew now it wouldn’t have worked. At the time to her shining eyes, Rhys was just so strong, spouting Brotherhood rhetoric she wanted to hear and believe, about how amazing they were and how they were going to change everything. 

Only to turn around and cripple whatever they felt was in their way, control for more footing and kill anyone who was not like them. No, Haylen could not stand by that.

_The decision I have made, I did for myself as I can no longer follow this path anymore. I know you won’t understand right now, but I like to think you will in time. If you haven’t already thrown this letter in the bin, of course._

_The Brotherhood does do good and most within this organisation follow its own ideals as best they can. However, the actions the Brotherhood does on the whole, I cannot accept._

The thing is, there were ghouls in the small town where she grew up. She honestly forgot all about them, but now she remembered they were nice. They were just… living. Like the rest of them, and were probably still there. From when she joined, right up to the incident with Danse, she could count on closing her eyes and pretend ‘It’s not so bad’, when in reality, the bigotry and racism was that bad. Danse and Rhys were just over the top and passionate, right? But Rhys said it himself before, months ago when they were discussing the newspaper; Danse was the poster boy of the Brotherhood. 

The Brotherhood would kill ghouls that were not feral, they would destroy synths that were helpless and trying to live, and they have clearly shown they would turn on anyone within the organisation if they showed they were anything else but what was expected. No matter who or what you did. 

_I do have fond memories to look back on, because despite all of this, I am proud of the work I have done and I am very proud to have fought and worked along side you. You were part of the reason I joined, and you always encouraged and helped me as a mentor and as a friend, just like Danse. I’ll never forget that, and I will always appreciate it._

A wet spot suddenly appeared on the page, and Haylen wiped at it quickly, before wiping her eye furiously. She glanced over her shoulder, suddenly feeling chilly in the gloom that surrounded her desk, but no one had been disturbed. She turned back to the scant letter and tried to find more words, but there was just so much that she needed more than one page or too little that would have been unacceptable to leave for Rhys.

_It’s strange, because I almost don’t want to leave. It has taken me a long, long time to come to this decision but I have come to accept that what I want eventually splits from the Brotherhood, and I must do what is best for myself._

_In the end, most of all, the biggest issue is that I can’t forgive them for what they did to Danse. He never deserved what they did to him. What Maxon did to him._

Haylen hoped, believed, that if Rhys understood anything about this, it would be that. Danse was still a painful issue for him as well, no matter how much he denied it and still upheld that the Brotherhood made the right decision, which was predictable, despite what he felt deep inside. This organisation was his entire life, but Haylen simply couldn’t do the same from the start.

Now on the go, Haylen continued to write until she reached the bottom of the page. She wanted to end it brave, and strong in some way. Fearless, perhaps. Instead, she changed her mind and decided to continue being honest as she could which could be strong in its own way. Rhys deserved that much at least.

Something was final in the way she signed it off. Haylen sat back and quietly placed the pen down. She then switched off the lamp, and let herself be plunged into darkness. 

She waited for a while, for her eyes to adjust, for her courage to build back up, for the shakiness in her hands to reside. Then she picked up the paper and folded it in half, half, and half again as the letter seemed to recite itself in her head word for word.

_I know you’ll be angry, and I understand. I hope you won’t you think of this as me abandoning you and instead know that I don’t regret joining, or regret anything I have done within the Brotherhood of Steel and that includes meeting you. I believed, and still do believe my work was for the good of the future, and I want to stay committed to that, but I need to go now._

She wrote _Rhys_ on the front of it before slipping out the chair to the locker that belonged to the knight. Her own bed and area had already been assigned to another scribe.

Prying it gently open, she quietly slipped the paper between the pages of a book he was obviously currently reading going by the ear-marked corners, and closed it again. Haylen took a deep breath and stepped back, giving the locker one final look. 

_I’ve already spoken to the Captain a couple of days ago, and with Elder Maxon’s agreement, they have just granted me my leave, effective immediately. In other words, I have twenty-four hours to leave the ship. It seems rather quick, doesn’t it? But I don’t think they ever trusted me again, so you be careful too, just in case._

She shouldered her bag that had been leaning against the edge of Rhys bed, and walked towards the stairs. The power-armoured patrol guards didn’t question her as she went down and through the halls. Haylen didn’t know if they knew or thought she was on a mission, but one nodded at her as she reached the ladder and she smiled and nodded back before heading down.

Finally, she stepped outside. The air was always so fresh each time she stepped outside, and inhaled a lungful to calm her beating heart. One of the knights closed shut the door of the Prydwen behind her. Haylen didn’t look back when she headed towards the Vertibird waiting for her. No one else was there.

_I am so sorry for not telling you before, but I didn’t know how. I also was never sure how the process of leaving the Brotherhood happened, but I guess for a scribe there would be no particular announcement. I only found out afterwards you were on patrol during all the time I have left on this ship, so I decided to leave as soon as I can tonight._

_Please remember not to beat yourself up as you often do when something goes wrong. It’s OKAY to make mistakes._

Sitting down inside as the Veribird moved away from the platform, Haylen didn’t say a word. Her stomach lurched, and thoughts spun in different directions in her head about all sorts of things, but refused to show it by keeping her chin up and shoulders back. She didn’t regret this. 

(She hid her shaking hands between her knees though.)

_And remember to actually eat on a regular basis and PATCH YOURSELF UP WHEN YOU’RE HURT. I know you’re going to keep putting yourself on the frontline just like Danse did, but please take care of yourself. You don’t want to be a cripple by the time you’re thirty._

It was all too soon when the Vertibird landed, and to her surprise, they had landed outside the Brotherhood compound. A bit further up from the settlement connected to the airport. 

That… Hurt? For some reason? She couldn’t walk through base apparently. Almost as if they didn’t want anyone to see her. She wondered if those were orders straight from the top.

She still wordlessly hopped out with an unreadable expression. The pilot never said anything either, but simply lifted off when she was a safe distance away. And… That was it. 

Wasn’t it? 

Leaving the Brotherhood was hard. Not in a way other people outside the organisation would think it would be. The Brotherhood demanded everything. Including letting friends disappear.

_I really hope to see you again soon. If you want to meet me, you’ll probably know how, as you’ve likely already guessed where I’m going. No matter how long it takes, I don’t mind waiting._

Haylen took her first step forward, and found it was rather easy, and took another. And another, smiling. The world was seemingly hell of a lot bigger now then it was a couple of days ago, but that was okay. She was by herself right now, but that was okay too.

Perhaps she would find a new path she could follow this time, learn new skills and new things, meet new people and see newer places… And even change things for the better. 

_Goodbye for now_

One step at a time though. She was off to find a friend first.

_Love, Haylen._


End file.
